Generosity – A Million Grains of Hair

by Heather

My Balding Head

I’ve rarely been touched on my own behalf – especially lately.  Give me a great story about a special child, or a baby, or someone else turning their life around, and I’m a bumbling mess.  But I don’t give myself much time or space to feel sorry for myself, or to even think much about my situation.  It just isn’t what I do.

What little hair I had left has been falling out the past few days, and I’ve been going out in the beanies crocheted by my cousin.  My eyebrows are a lot thinner than in this photo.  I was sporting one of those beanies this afternoon when I went to grab lunch at a Chinese fast food place.  I had ordered, and whipped out my debit card, when I was informed that they take cash only.  WHAT!?  Who only takes cash!?

I told the cashier then that I’d have to go to the ATM over at the grocery store around the corner.  She pointed me to the ATM at the back of their store.  I have a credit union debit card, that a lot of ‘free range’ ATM’s don’t like.  This was one of those ATM’s.

“I’ll have to come back.  Your ATM doesn’t like my card,” I said and headed for the door.

On my way out, the gentleman coming in the door pointed me back to the cashier.  The man who had been in line behind me said, in a pretty thick Latino accent, “I pay for you, Lady.”

He had to repeat it for my disbelief to be suspended.  I felt my eyes welling up.  It wouldn’t have been a big deal for me to go    to the ATM at the grocery store, but I didn’t really want to – otherwise I’d have gotten cash first, since it was on my list of things to do.

“Wow.  Really?  Thank you very so much!”  That’s not a type-o.  I was so overwhelmed and overcome that I said ‘thank you very so much’.

I don’t know if he thought I had cancer, or if he would be that nice to anybody else.  But I was touched to emotion about it, and still well up.

So, today I consider the day I lost my hair.

Though I had my head shaved in mid-September, it was just a very short buzz cut.  Today I am mostly bald, and am finding ‘whiskers’ EVERYWHERE – my pillowcase, the bathroom sink, on my white shirt and in my eyes.

What my pillow looked like this morning.

In the title photo, you can see that there are a lot of hairs laying down.  Those are NOT attached to my head.  My head feels smooth in most places, and the fuzz left on my head isn’t catching like velcro anymore.  I finished the really bad chemo a week ago, and start the not-so-bad chemo next week.

I’m just looking forward to my hair falling out completely, so it can start growing back.